


Things We've Never Said

by stelliferous_sky



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Basically all the conversations Keith and Lance really need to have, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Cuddling, Fluff, Gay Keith (Voltron), Insecure Lance (Voltron), Love Confessions, M/M, MFE Squad - Freeform, Mentions of Lance's Death, Nightmares, Pining Keith (Voltron), Post Season 7, Sharing a Bed, a bit of angst, themes of ptsd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 12:42:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16598132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stelliferous_sky/pseuds/stelliferous_sky
Summary: After everything he's gone through, it's no surprise that Lance suffers from frequent nightmares but he can't bring himself to seek help for fear of judgement.That is, until Keith finds out and decides to do something about it.[Or some conversations Keith and Lance desperately need to have.]





	Things We've Never Said

**Author's Note:**

> I would say this is self-indulgent but it's honestly nothing compared to some of my other stuff. I just really wanted them to talk about this stuff.

  It starts the night Keith comes back to Atlas late after moving some of his belongings from the shack to the compounds with his mum. Actually it’s probably started way earlier but it’s the first night Keith becomes aware. A box of his clothes in his arms, he’s about to go into his assigned room when he hears sounds from the room across the hall, Lance’s room.

  There’s a gasp, some shuffling and things toppling to the floor. For a moment, Keith listens to faint swearing in both English and Spanish – at least he assumes it’s swearing but he can only hear muffled sounds.

  Keith crosses the hall and knocks. “Is everything okay?”

  “Huh? Yeah, yeah. Perfectly peachy.”

  The words come out too fast, too high and Keith isn’t sure he wants to know what’s happening behind the door but Lance doesn’t sound okay.

  “You sure?”

  “Yes, Keith. Go back to bed.”

  Now Lance sounds exasperated so Keith slowly shuffles back to his own room in confusion. Lance being exasperated with him isn’t anything new but things seemed to finally be going smoothly between them since they got back to Earth that it’s weird for Lance to fall back to being annoyed with him. But still, Keith doesn’t lose much sleep over it when his head hits the pillow. Just a few minutes wondering what’s wrong with Lance.

~

  The next day, Lance is laughing with Veronica and Hunk at breakfast in the cafeteria. A part of Keith sighs in relief and the other part tells him to stop staring and go get his breakfast.

  Between helping with clean ups, reconstruction and rehabilitation, Keith doesn’t get much time to talk to Lance but he gets the distinct feeling that Lance is avoiding him anyway. Whenever Keith goes near, Lance turns away or dives into a conversation with the closest person that isn’t Keith.

  For the most part, Keith is okay with that because he isn’t sure what to say anyway. It’s going to take a few more days for him to figure out how to start a conversation. Talking with others is easier than talking to Lance. Yeah, Keith is still pretty crap at heartfelt conversations in general but with Lance it’s hard to hold back things that threaten to spill over and leave all of him bare.

  So Keith doesn’t even mind that much when Lance leaves the Garrison for a few days to go back to Havana with his family to resettle. Keith’s duties take up most of his time and when he has the chance, he spends his little free time with his friends, including some of the MFE squad and Garrison cadets, in the common room aboard the Atlas. Lance’s absence is duly noted and Keith can’t help looking at Lance’s door when he retires to his own quarters.

  It’s been over two years since they’d slept in the same building, much less a few feet away. After a few weeks of living across from each other on the Atlas, Keith feels empty knowing that Lance isn’t with him again. Krolia consoles him with the knowledge that at least they’re sleeping under the same stars again.

~

  Lance comes back after four days and he goes straight back to pretending Keith isn’t there. He talks to literally everyone except Keith. He even talks to Griffin but apparently Keith doesn’t exist. Some logical part of Keith says that Lance just wants to avoid talking about that night but it doesn’t mean he can’t be pissed at being treated like he’s invisible. So he ignores Lance too because it’s not like they need to form Voltron at the moment anyway. (Except that sneaking glances at the person you’re meant to ignore defeats the purpose of the silent treatment, but details.)

  Everyone notices the tension thick enough to require Voltron’s sword to slice through and Shiro, as always, takes it upon himself to approach Keith about it.

  “Is everything okay between you and Lance?” he asks as Keith hauls a crate of cement onto cart.

  “Yeah, why?” He’s such a bad liar.

  “You two don’t seem to be talking to each other.”

  Keith shrugs. “We just don’t really have anything to say.”

  “Really?”

  Keith finally looks at Shiro for the first time. “Is there something I’m meant to talk to him about?”

  “Well... No. I just thought something was wrong.”

  “Don’t worry, Shiro. We’re fine.”

  Such a liar.

~

  Pidge sleeps at ungodly hours of the night. Keith has known that since they shared the Castle and he’s also learned since that she is a terrible influence on his already terrible sleeping habits. The evening started off with Pidge talking to him about how the moon landing as totally fake and soon, while everyone else was playing a card game, they were searching up even more theories from public-restricted sites.

  (For the record, Pidge is the more dedicated theorist of the two. Keith just goes along with it because it’s fun.)

  By the time Keith is almost falling asleep on Pidge, it’s well past midnight, the common room is empty and he has to excuse himself. Pidge calls him weak but that’s a bait he can’t rise to because he’s exhausted from ‘ignoring’ Lance all day.

  It’s by pure chance that as he is about to go into his room, the door across the hall opens and light pours out. Lance stops dead in his tracks, edges framed by yellow light and sleep-messed hair fuzzy gold.

  The first thing Keith notices is that Lance is only wearing a pair of shorts. No shirt. He notices the fact that Lance had evidently gotten bigger since the pool incident. He actually has biceps now and the plane of his stomach is solid enough to form abs.

  The second thing he notices, and overrides the shock of the first thing he noticed, is that Lance’s hands are shaking. He balls them into fists and shoves them into his pockets. With bloodshot eyes, he looks at Keith the same way he looked at his mum when she was scolding him for disappearing.

  “What are you doing up?” Keith asks, the first words he’s spoken to Lance without a sharp edge.

  Lance clears his throat and when he speaks, his voice is raw. “Just getting a drink. Night, Keith.”

  Then he’s gone, trudging down the hall. Keith thinks he’s starting to understand.

~

  [Shiro’s nightmares consist of blood and druids and monsters. Sometimes he talks to Keith about them and even if Keith cannot comprehend just how horrible they must be, Shiro says it’s easier if he can talk to him anyway.

  Keith wonders what Lance’s dreams are made up of.]

~

  Keith seeks out Veronica because he’s a coward and he can’t bring himself to talk to Lance, even though Lance had given up on disregarding Keith’s existence. If he catches Keith’s eyes, he just sort of looks tired and gives a tiny smile that break Keith’s heart. So his sister is the next best thing.

  “Hey, uh, Veronica. Can we talk?”

  Veronica looks up from her hologram of charts and graphs and pushes her glasses up her nose. “About Lance?”

  “Yeah. Is he... Is he okay?”

  She blinks like she wasn’t expecting that. “Shouldn’t you ask Lance about that?”

  Keith’s face betrays him and heats up. “Well, yeah but Lance isn’t exactly...honest with me.”

  “You’d be surprised to know that he’s not honest with anyone.”

  “What?”

  “Told you you’d be surprised.”

  So he gets nothing useful from Veronica except for the repeated message that Keith should talk to Lance himself. Fine. Fine.

  He could do that.

~

  That night he sneaks outside of his room after everyone’s gone to sleep. But Lance doesn’t stir, or at least Keith doesn’t hear him. He repeats it for three nights in a row, dead tired during the day and only sneaking in short naps. He’s used to crappy sleep habits and if he’s a little grumpier, nobody comments on it.

  On the third night, Keith is seconds from falling asleep lying against his bedroom door. And then he hears the gasp and the beginning of a scream cut short. The light turns on in Lance’s room and Keith is on his feet, pushing the button next to the door across the hall.

  It’s not locked and slides open quietly. Lance kneels on his bed, blanket held to his chest in trembling hands, head hung between his shoulders and his entire body shakes. When he looks up, his face is streaked with tears and his eyes are bloodshot.

  Keith’s heart drops and shatters at his feet and for a moment, he can’t move. He stares and stares and Lance gives up trying to compose himself. Instead he lets out a strangled sob, curling in on himself to muffle his crying.

  Keith finally moves. He’s not sure what he’s thinking when he climbs into the bed, wrap his arms around Lance as best he can and bury his face in his shoulder. But whatever force compelled him to do that has the right idea because Lance leans in, to Keith’s surprise, and he clutches at his shirt instead of the blanket.

  Lance cries quietly. No trace of the boy overflowing with false confidence. Every pained whimper is a stab to Keith’s heart and – after three years – he can’t bring himself to deny it anymore. He loves Lance. Seeing him suffer like this, quiet and alone in the middle of the night, hurts more than he ever thought possible.

  It’s a while before Lance stops shaking. Even so he clings onto Keith’s shirt a little longer before he pushes himself off and wipes his face with his arms, sniffling. Keith lets his arms drop.

  Lance swears, not meeting his eyes.

  Keith takes a proper look at him. His oversized shirt is soaked and sticking to his body. There are bags under his eyes and Keith can’t fathom how he manages to hide those things in the morning.

  “Where do you keep your shirts?” he asks.

  Lance points to a set of drawers.

  Keith takes one out and hands it to him. “You should change.”

  Lance just looks up, red-rimmed eyes wide like he can’t figure out what Keith is doing. He takes the shirt slowly.

  “I’ll be back,” Keith promises.

  By the time Keith comes back with a glass of water, a pillow and a blanket, Lance has changed and cleaned himself up a little. His eyes are still red and he sniffles.

  When he sees the things in Keith’s arms, he asks, “What are you doing?”

  Keith gives him the water. “Being a good friend.”

  For once, Lance doesn’t seem to have the words. He silently downs the whole glass as he sits on the edge of the bed, watching Keith spreads the blanket on the floor.

  “Thanks,” he finally says. He’s looking at Keith like _that_ again.

  “You’re welcome, Lance. Do you think you can sleep?”

  “Don’t want to.”

  “I’ll stay up with you.” This is crossing so many boundaries he’s never dared to even go near before but he doesn’t particularly care at this moment.

  Lance just sighs, nods and lies back down on the bed. Keith stretches himself over the blanket on the floor.

  [Shiro likes hugs after nightmares. But Keith feels like he’s already hugged Lance more than it is healthy for his heart.]

  “How long?” he asks.

  He doesn’t expect an answer but Lance’s response is almost immediate, albeit solemn. “A while. They weren’t that bad before but it got worse after I practically died.”

  After saving Allura. Keith has heard the story from her and it had taken every ounce of self control to not march up to Lance and yell at him for doing something so stupid yet selfless. He still wants to yell, still wants to bury Lance in his chest and demand that he never does anything like that again.

  “Why haven’t you told anyone about this?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Lance.”

  He sighs. “I’m meant to be second-in-command, Keith. What would people think if they knew I’m weak as fuck? I’m sure Griffin or Rizavi would be happy to take up Red.”

  Keith sits up. Lance has his hands folded beneath his head and he stares up at the ceiling like he didn’t just say the stupidest thing that’s ever come out of his mouth.

  “You seriously think the others don’t have nightmares?”

  “What would you know, Keith?”

  “I know Pidge needs pills to sleep. Allura has recurring nightmares about Alteans being massacred. Shiro hates the dark because it reminds him of prison cells. And sometimes I hear things.”

  Now Lance looks at him. “Really?”

  “Yeah. You’re not the only one fucked over by this entire thing, Lance, and you’re definitely not weak because you have bad dreams sometimes. Red is picky. She wouldn’t choose someone who couldn’t handle the responsibility of piloting her and being Voltron’s right hand. No one is replacing you.”

  Because at the end of the day, that’s what it boils down to; Lance thinking he’s not good enough, thinking he’s so easily replaceable.

  “Thanks, Keith.”

  “Anytime.”

  There’s a pause in conversation and Keith tries hard to not fall asleep, especially since Lance isn’t ready to close his eyes just yet. It hits him then that he’s in Lance’s room and has been in there for more than half-an-hour now. That’s a lot longer than he’s spent alone with him since he got back. Actually that’s a lot longer than he’s ever spent alone with Lance that’s not some sort of mission.

  It’s a lot less awkward than he expected. It’s...nice. Sure, he’d rather it be under different circumstances but it’s sort of peaceful.

  “You know,” Lance says thoughtfully after a few minutes, “We’re veterans. Like, we’ve fought in a fucking intergalactic war, we’ve killed people and we’ve been through a lot more than anyone can ever imagine. Shit, Keith. We’re only nineteen. Well, I am. You’re- what?”

  “Twenty-one.”

  “Shit. Still. I mean, Pidge is only sixteen. Sometimes I forget that we’re teenagers.”

  “I think we’re okay,” Keith offers because he’s not sure what else to say. “Considering everything we’ve done, we’re stronger than the crap the universe has thrown at us. _You’re_ stronger, Lance, nightmares or not. You have to start believing that.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yes. Look, I know I’m not great at this whole talking thing but I’ll try. If you have nightmares again, wake me up no matter how late it is. Shiro says it helps to talk about them. He says they seem less scary when he realises they’re not real.”

  There’s a rustle of blankets on the bed before Lance leans over the side. His face is unreadable. “You’ve gotten better at this whole supportive leader-slash-friend thing.”

  That is a big change in topic. “You too.”

  Lance shakes his head. “No, I mean before you left for the Blade, you wouldn’t have done this for me.”

  “I-”

  “I’m not saying you’d just let me suffer but we wouldn’t be having a conversation like this.”

  “I guess. So you’ll wake me up?”

  His face falls slightly. Keith wants to scoot over and smooth out the knots between his eyebrows but he refrains.

  “I usually sleep better with someone in the room.” Lance quickly adds, “I know that’s asking a lot and trust me, I’d ask Veronica but she’s already putting up with a lot of my crap and her own work and I just don’t want to add more pressure on her. I was-”

  “Lance,” Keith interrupts the quickly-evolving ramble. “It’s fine. We can rotate rooms. You sleep on my floor tomorrow night.” Even if it means Keith actually has to clean up his room now.

  Lance smiles. Just a small quirk of his lips but it still suits him better than a frown. “Cool.”

  Keith falls asleep too quickly after that and wakes up to Lance’s alarm a few hours later. So much for staying up with him.

  But Lance stirs too, stretching his long body across the bed like a cat, throwing his blankets off him so he must’ve fallen back to sleep too.

  “Shut up,” he groans, throwing his pillow over his face. “Jesus. I hate alarms.”

  Keith tries hard to not glance at the strip of tan skin peeking out from the shirt that’s ridden up Lance’s torso. “So what happens today?”

  Lance seems to remember that Keith is in the room and he bolts up in bed. “Crap, right. You’re here.” He snorts. “Nice bed head.”

  Keith doesn’t bother fixing up the bird nest, seeing as Lance’s hair isn’t any better. It sticks up in all different directions, which makes him cuter than usual. “I imagine you wouldn’t want others to know about,” he gestures between the two of them, “this.”

  “You say that like we hooked up.”

  Keith’s face heats. “Nice to know you’re back to your usual self. Maybe you can sleep in your own room tonight.”

  “No, no! I’m sorry. Just- Please don’t tell the others yet. It’s bad enough that you know.”

  That hurts more than Keith would’ve thought possible. “Is it really that bad that I know?”

  Lance shrugs and swings his legs over the side of the bed in an attempt to be dismissive but it fails because Keith sees right through it. “It’s embarrassing.”

  “Is it embarrassing that sometimes I think I hear Sendak or Zarkon and I panic in the middle of the hallways?”

  “Well, no but-”

  “But nothing. I won’t tell if you don’t want me to but there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I’ll see you at breakfast, Lance.”

  Keith bunches up his blanket and pillow and leaves Lance to get ready.

~

  The day goes by uneventfully. There’s the usual cleanups and reconstruction where people come up to him and personally thank him for saving Earth. Nearby, children play with Kosmo who is all too happy to give them rides and chase them around. Keith tries to smile through it all and wonders what they would think if they know he’s part Galra too. He’s seen some of the Blade members fall under intense glares and insults, including his mum and Kolivan.

  Lance is almost everywhere he is, being the only other Paladin who plays no part in helping build more ships with salvaged parts from fallen Galra battle cruisers. Surrounded by crowds of people, he’s in his elements here. He does more moral support for workers than actually helping but he keeps spirits high.

  Typical Lance, helping everyone but himself.

  At least he actually acknowledges Keith’s existence today. The smiles he sends in Keith’s direction threaten to render him frozen every single time. He probably has no idea what his smiles do to Keith.

  At night, Lance comes into Keith’s room like the cat from Tom and Jerry doing something he shouldn’t. It’s almost funny to watch him hunched over his beddings, whipping his head left and right comically as he darts into the room. It’s like watching a crappy, overdramatic heist movie.

  He lets out a long breath when the door closes and continues to pass his eyes over everything in Keith’s room, which isn’t much. There’s a pair of boots in the corner and a rotating holographic photo display on the desk which switches between three photos only (one of Keith and his dad before he died, another of all the paladins taken on a moon and the other with him, Krolia and Kosmo).

  “Huh,” Lance says. “Somehow it actually looks homier than your room back on the Castle.”

  Says the boy whose current room is filled with gifts from his family and a million photos all individually hanged. Then Lance notices the Thing in Keith’s bed.

  “What the fuck,” he says, bee lining for it. He picks it up and holds it to Keith. “It’s a hippo. Dude, it’s a hippo.”

  Yeah, Keith definitely should’ve shoved that in the closet too. His face burns and he snatches the old toy from Lance, stiffly crosses the room and chucks it into the closet. “It’s from my dad,” he mumbles. “My last birthday present from him.”

  “Then why did you just put it away? It’s so cute. Take it out.”

  “Doesn’t matter. Just go to sleep.”

  Lance takes it upon himself to take the hippo out from the closet and gently place it back on the bed. And wordlessly he lays out his stuff on the floor and settles onto it with a contented sigh. Keith is just confused now because apparently Lance isn’t going to tease him about the hippo and apparently he doesn’t care that Keith sleeps with a toy on his bed.

  Keith decides it’s best to just move on and pretend that never happened. “Aren’t you going to do your skincare routine?”

  “That stuff don’t mix well with tears, Keith. It’s really gross.”

  Instead of letting Lance see how much those words destroy him, Keith nudges Lance’s ankles with his boots. “You gotta wake me up, alright?”

  “Yes, fine. Let’s go to bed.”

  Keith rolls his eyes but nonetheless, he takes off his shirt and chucks it into the basket in the corner of the room before sliding into his bed.

  “Whoa, what are you doing?” Lance asks, eyes wide.

  Keith revels in the slight panic in the question. It’s probably wrong to hope that he affects Lance the way Lance affects him, especially when it probably just makes him uncomfortable.

  “Sleeping?”

  “So you sleep shirtless?”

  “Yeah. Is that a problem?”

  “Nah. I just never took you for the type to sleep without a shirt. But then again, I can’t imagine you wearing pyjamas either. You’ve got a lot of new scars by the way. The Blade missions must have really roughened you up.”

  Okay, so they’re talking Keith’s body now. “Um, yeah. They don’t have Altean healing pods.”

  Lance is quiet for a while that Keith has to resist looking over at him because when Lance is quiet, it means he’s deep in thought about some sort of revelation that changes the flow of conversation.

  “Matt told me about Naxzela.”

  Yep, there it is. “What did he say?”

  “That you tried to kill yourself and if Lotor didn’t get there in time, you would’ve actually died.”

  “And taken out Haggar’s ship. There was no other option.”

  “Shut your quiznak, Keith. There probably was.”

  “Like?”

  “Well-” he stops and doesn’t continue.

  Keith leans over the side and smirks down, relieved that the conversation is flowing back on course for light banter. “Yeah?”

  Lance splutters. “Whatever, mullet. The point is, you almost died.”

  “You died.”

  Lance frowns. Okay, not light banter. “Is this some sort of death competition to you?”

  “Are you saying you’d care if I die?”

  “Dude, yes?” he says like Keith is stupid. “You’re annoying as hell sometimes but you’re my friend, Keith. I’d care if you died. We all would.”

  A new, heavy sort of silence hangs in the air. Lance is on his elbow now, Keith still leaning over the side of the bed. If he reaches out, he can probably grab the front of Lance’s shirt and pull him closer so he can kiss him because this is almost too much to handle. _Lance cares._

  Keith is the first to break the tension. “At least we know one thing now.”

  “What?”

  “The lions have a type.”

  Lance snorts. “Right. Red likes the self-sacrificing ones, Black will take you if you have anything Galra and Blue totally goes for the looks.”

  “Not always.”

  “Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?”

  Keith smiles and leans back on the bed, thinking that yes, Blue likes the good-looking ones.

  Lance goes on rambling about how gorgeous he is and Keith agrees with all of his points but for the sake of normalcy, he snorts and rolls his eyes instead of adding more to the list of all the attractive things about Lance. (Not that he has a list or anything.)

~

  The following nights go about the same way, alternating which rooms they sleep in. They would talk about the most random things they can think of, ranging from Keith’s “questionable tastes in music and fashion” to pizza toppings. Keith learns more about Lance in two weeks than he did during the months he’s spent on the Castle, like blue isn’t actually his favourite colour - it’s gray like rain clouds. He likes pineapples but not cooked in anything. He used to take dance classes with Veronica until kids at school bullied him for it. Even after Veronica and Marco verbally beat them up, he didn’t want to continue.

  (But now, he would definitely do it again if he has the chance.)

  They talk until one of them falls asleep, usually Lance first. He has nightmares on a couple of nights, both of which Keith wakes him up from. He’s covered in sweat and shaking but he doesn’t cry. Afterwards they talk again, usually until morning a couple of hours before the alarm.

  Keith likes this arrangement a lot. If the others have caught on, he doesn’t particularly care. His mum definitely knows. She’d come to his room one night and found Lance in there too. She said nothing, just gave Keith the doughnuts she’d bought from town and left. It was very incriminating. He felt like he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar and it was a tad awkward after that.

  She talked to him the next day and after he explained the situation, she went on as if the entire encounter never happened. Keith still isn’t sure what to make of that.

  During the day, everything goes on as normal but Keith appreciates the short conversations throughout. He makes the most of his time with his friends in the evening but he now ditches Pidge and her memes and theories earlier so he can spend that time with Lance alone. She gives him a look every single time like she knows something fishy is up. He can’t really bring himself to feel guilty about it.

  Tonight, Lance wakes up gasping, frantically looking around the semi-lit room (Keith bought a nightlight so that Lance won’t wake up to pitch black, which apparently doesn’t help shake the nightmares). Keith is next to him in seconds, a hand on his back and giving him the glass of water he keeps on the desk.

  “Keith,” Lance rasps, clutching Keith’s shoulder. His palm is hot and clammy. “That was bad.”

  “What was it?”

  “My family- they were... _Mierda_.”

  “It’s not real, Lance. They’re fine. You know they are. Do you want to call your mum?”

  He shakes his head and drinks the whole glass in one go. “No. No, I know they’re fine. It’s late anyway.”

  One of his other nightmares was about his family too. He didn’t go into much details but he didn’t need to. Keith gets the feeling that those kinds of nightmares are worse than others because he’s more shaken. It takes him longer to fall back to sleep.

  “Do you want to go up to the roof?” Keith asks.

  “The roof?”

  “Yeah. Fresh air...and stuff.”

  Lance considers it for a moment. “Sure. Let’s go. Put on some clothes though.”

  “I’m wearing pants, Lance.”

  He only gets a pointed look in response.

  Outside, the air is crisp and cooler than his somewhat stuffy room. They sit on the edge of the building, legs dangling off. Lance looks beautiful even when he’s bathed in harsh white lights of the Garrison compounds. It sharpens the defined planes of his cheekbones and jaw, both of which have metaphorically cut Keith numerous times.

  “Do you come here often?” Lance asks, and Keith realises he’s been staring.

  So he clears his throat. “Yeah. I used to come all the time before I got kicked out. I used to dream about going up there.”

  Lance follows Keith’s point to the sky and he snorts. An actual pig-style snort. Why is that cute anyway?

  “I did too, which is ironic now because I’ve had enough of space. Sure, I’ll miss the alien babes but I like my feet on Earth, thanks.”

  Keith isn’t sure why exactly he says it but the words leave on their own accord. “I like it up there. There’s nothing really keeping me here anyway.” Well, he does. But being hopelessly in love can’t really count when the love isn’t requited.

  The realisation leaves a bitter aftertaste.

  “What about us?” Lance asks. “I thought you’re getting closer to everyone now.”

  “I mean, I’ll come visit. But... Earth is your thing, Lance. It’s only half of mine. And he’s not even here anymore.”

  Lance’s face falls and it’s so easy to think maybe Lance cares about him in more ways than one. Desperate hopes. He just wants Lance to say the word, to know maybe there’s a chance.

  But no. He says, “Remember when we were with that intergalactic jerk Bob and you chose me to leave that place?” He looks up. “Am I really that bad to be around?”

  Keith blinks at the earnestness of the words, stunned for a moment. They’ve been having more and more personal conversations – hell, they sleep in each others’ rooms – but somehow this is closer to home than everything else. “If you are that bad, would I be sitting here with you? Would I be helping you?”

  “Then why did you choose me?”

  “Because you miss Earth and your family more than anyone. You have from day one.”

  “So did Hunk. So why me?”

  Keith bites back the truth and says instead, “Being in there would’ve broken you worse than any of us.”

  Lance’s face sours. “So you do think I’m the weakest.”

  “What? No! That’s not what I said.” He is raising his voice. He can’t do this again. He can’t revert back to shutting people out. So he breathes in and out to calm down. “No, I just didn’t like the way everyone was treating you like you’re an idiot. You already have enough insecurities without adding in Bob’s shit.”

  Lance sighs and looks away. “Then why didn’t you just say that back then?”

  _Because I don’t know how to wear my heart on my sleeves like you._ “Because I didn’t know where we stood anymore. You didn’t see me for a few weeks, Lance. I didn’t see any of you for over two years. It might’ve been easy for you to pick things up where we left off but it wasn’t for me. I... I had to figure out my place between all of you again.”

  “Right. I keep forgetting the whole time jump thingy.”

  “Yeah, well, I’ve figured things out again. I’m sorry for being a dick to you. I’m trying to make it up now.”

  Lance is quiet for a moment. “Thanks, Keith. For choosing me, even if you were kind of a jerk about it.”

  _I’ll always choose you, Lance._ “Your answer didn’t make sense either. ‘I’m the future’, what does that even mean?”

  He shrugs, leaning back on his arms to tilt his face into the sky. “Honestly, I’m not sure. It made sense at the time because, like, you’re a good Galra, you know? Technically you’re the first Galra we’ve met who’s on the good side. So I thought like, tear the enemy from the inside thing you see in cool action movies.”

  “Seriously?” Keith deadpans. “I chose you for your well-being and you chose me because of totally unrealistic movies. Thanks.”

  He smiles a half-heartedly. “Hey, just be happy that I chose you at all.”

  Keith dares to ask the question that’s been itching at him for a long, long time. “Why not Allura? I thought you’d choose her.”

  “I thought about Allura,” Lance admits. “But the Black Lion is the only one who can pretty much teleport with those cool wings so you’d be able to get to Earth faster if you could somehow find a way to charge him up.”

  “Right. That’s...practical.” And also a tad devastating. “But we formed Voltron’s wings and got us home together. We wouldn’t have done that without you.”

  Now Lance’s smile is a full grin. “We do make a good team, don’t we? At least when we’re not messing with each other.”

  “Eh, we’re fine either way. It’s fun teasing you.”

  Lance throws his hands up in disbelief. “Keith, come on! We were bonding.”

  That as good as throws them into an argument about whether the bonding moment back on Arus really happened or not. It seems like a life-time away now, just a bunch of naive teenagers ready to take on the universe and not knowing what it really meant.

  They only go back in when the sky starts to lighten and Keith is shivering but happier than he’s been in a while. When they return to Keith’s room, Lance aims for the bed – Keith’s bed – and flops onto it face down.

  “Um. What are you doing?”

  “Going back to sleep. The floor is really hard, Keith. I’ve had enough of losing my beauty sleep without getting a sore back too.”

  “Yeah, but that’s my bed.”

  “Then come in.”

  _‘Come in’_ he says like he’s not inviting Keith into the same bed as him. At this point, Keith is frozen and has lost all abilities to think straight because he’s not and the thought him and Lance in the same bed is doing things to him.

  “You don’t...You don’t find this weird at all?”

  Lance opens an eye. “Dude, you know I have zero sense of personal space. Plus, have you seen my family? A lot people, not much room. This is nothing. Unless... You’re uncomfortable with this.”

  Yes, Keith is very much uncomfortable with this but the dejection on Lance’s face makes him reconsider his words. It’s not that Keith doesn’t want to share the bed, per se. It’s more that Keith doesn’t trust his sleep-self. Apparently he has a tendency to... Cuddle. (He didn’t even know this until the space whale thing when he slept next to his mum and Kosmo.) Cuddling Lance, while it sounds like some of his fluffiest dreams, sounds mortifying.

  “No, I’m fine,” he answers, voice surprisingly steady. “But don’t blame me if you wake up on the floor.” 

~

  Lance doesn’t wake up on the floor. He wakes up tangled in Keith’s arms. (And understands Keith’s hesitation about sharing a bed.) Honestly, it’s not as awkward as he would’ve expected. Keith is warm and his arms are comfortable around Lance’s waist. And if he’s being even more honest, he kind of likes it.

  Strange.

~

  Bed sharing becomes a nightly occurrence. At first, Keith tries to sleep on the floor when he’s in Lance’s room but Lance insists that he sleeps better with someone next to him. Who’s Keith to deny peaceful sleep to a nightmare-ridden boy? Lance really does start to wake up in cold sweat less often. Even when he does, the dreams don’t seem to be too bad and he falls asleep again within minutes.

(But one night, Lance shoots up in bed with a gasp. Once he sees Keith, he exhales deeply and pulls him into a long, long hug. He won’t tell Keith about that particular dream.)

  After the first week, Keith stops avoiding eye-contact with Lance in the mornings after he wakes up all over him. Lance says he doesn’t care because he’s used to his brothers drooling on him in his sleep while growing up. After two weeks, Keith dares to drape his arm over Lance’s waist before falling asleep. Somewhere in his mind, it occurs to him that this is incredibly gay, which he is but Lance is very clearly not. But he stops worrying so much and enjoy being in Lance’s arms in the morning anyway or vice versa.

  On the mornings he’s feeling particularly self-indulgent, he lies in bed after the alarm has gone off, legs tangled and arms thrown over each other. Lance, who would do anything for Keith to let him sleep in a few minutes, doesn’t complain at all.

(There is one morning that Keith wakes up to Lance lightly tracing a finger along the scars on his back. His finger is cold but that’s not why Keith shivers under the touch and his breath shudders.

  “How’d you get this one?” Lance whispers when he realises Keith is awake. He’s tracing a particularly large one that runs from his shoulder blade to small of his back.

  “Intel mission gone sideways. The guard snuck up on me and I didn’t get out in time.”

  “It looks really close to the spine.”

  Keith only hums because he doesn’t want to admit that if it wasn’t for Regris, he’d have lost all function in his legs. Lance asks more about the other scars but Keith can’t remember all the individual stories, only that he got most of them from Blade of Marmora missions where he fought close combat. There is also the fact that Lance’s touch makes him think less of how he got those scars and more of how he’s about to melt under the touch.)

~

  The days go on as normal. There’s never a shortage of work or training to be done. No one seems to suspect anything because there’s not really much time for them to interact during the day. It’s just after dinner and they’re all piled in the common room or during training that they get to spend time together as a team, as friends. Even so, Keith has somehow gotten in league with Pidge and Hunk and their shenanigans like playing pranks on Matt and brainstorming ridiculous upgrades on the MFE ships.

(Pidge wants to put in lightsaber sounds when they fire and Hunk wants the Darth Vader theme to play every time they take off. Keith suggests making the ships look like the Death Star, which surprises both Pidge and Hunk because they didn’t expect Keith to know Star Wars. They look at him like he’s grown an extra head.)

  It’s during one of these downtimes that Rizavi suggests going to the new market opening the next evening. The market has been open for a while now but tomorrow would be the official opening; the very first official opening since Sendak’s rule. Everyone is supposed to have the evening off so they all agree.

~

  The sun quickly sinks over the horizon and the sky turns from blue to orange to violet. By the time everyone files out of the Garrison issued cars, night is falling quickly and a few stars are already out. The whole street that serves as an open-air mall is filled with noise and lights and people – aliens and humans alike. Keith shifts from foot to foot, a hand on Kosmo’s head as they make their way through the throng to Vrepit Sal’s new restaurant for dinner.

  They have to connect three tables together to fit everyone in; the Voltron team, MFE squad, Shiro, Veronica and Matt and his girlfriend.

  Keith tries to order alcohol but apparently official records don’t recognise his age as twenty-one. Apparently two years with his mum on the whale “doesn’t count”. (And yet they count Voltron’s three-year time slippage. Where’s the justice in that?)

  Across the table, Rizavi and Griffin knock their glasses with shit-eating grins.

  “Don’t worry, Keith,” Lance says. “When they’re old and wrinkly, we’re still gonna be young and beautiful.”

  “But,” Leifsdottir says, “you’ve been exposed to more radiation than us, not to mention the effects of space travel on human bodies, so we have higher chance of living longer.”

  “Oh, yeah? Well, we’ll die beautiful then,” Lance retorts.

  In that moment, Keith is glad to have made up with Griffin. Sure, the guy is a stickler while Keith is definitely not and they still have their differences, Keith is thankful to have Griffin and his team fight alongside them, and to have them as friends. Also, it’s funny to see Griffin try very hard to avoid being in the same room as his mum.

  There are at least five different conversations happening at any given time between the thirteen of them and also people who come to talk to them. Lance laughs and jokes around and it lights up his entire face with a twinkle in his eyes and he’s so fucking beautiful. Keith can’t help staring out of the corner of his eyes.

  Matt nudges him in the side. “Are you looking at Lance or Allura?” he whispers.

  Keith feels himself blush. Curse his pale skin. “What. No. I’m just- I’m thinking.”

  A wriggle of his eyebrows. “About?”

  “About where I should take Kosmo,” he lies. “He doesn’t like it here.” Kosmo nudges at his legs from under the table. “See? He’s restless.”

  “So you smile like that when you’re thinking about your dog, huh?”

  “Wolf.”

  Matt smirks. “Whatever you say, Keith.”

  Keith is all too happy when dinner finishes because Matt finally stops giving him looks and focuses on his girlfriend instead. They disperse in small groups, going off in different directions. Keith thinks maybe he’ll ask Lance to go with him and Kosmo. He turns around, only to find Lance and Allura running off with a wave towards them, holding hands.

  Keith’s chest caves in, all the wind going out. Of course, he thinks. Of course. He knew it was only a matter of time anyway. And yet he still stupidly hoped that Allura talking to Lance before the final battles with Sendak meant nothing. Maybe it was just a thank you or a good luck. But he rarely saw Lance and Allura together in the past weeks that he hasn’t anticipated anything much.

  He’s wrong.

  “Keith,” Shiro says. He’s still here and Keith has forgotten that. “Are you okay?”

  He’s looking down with concern in his eyes. Keith hasn’t told him and he thought he’s done a good job hiding his feelings until very recently but Shiro always knows.

  “Just fine. I think I’m going to take Kosmo somewhere quieter. Have fun, Shiro.”

  Keith teleports before Shiro can reply.

  He spends the rest of the evening at the far end of the mall-street where construction hasn’t fully finished and only a handful of people linger. He tries to teach Kosmo to fetch but Kosmo refuses to stoop to pet dog level.

~

  By the time Lance slips into Keith’s room, it’s almost two in the morning. The room is half-lit by the nightlight and Keith is already in bed but still awake. He’s been quiet since Vrepit Sal’s and he’s quiet now, watching Lance slide in next to him and lie down on his back.

  “That was fun,” Lance starts, testing the waters just to make sure he isn’t angry.

  A small smile curves on the edge of Keith’s mouth. “Yeah?”

  Okay, so he’s not angry. That’s good. Lance knows there’s no logical reason why Keith would be angry at him because he hasn’t done anything stupid (lately) but there’s still a tension in the air that he’s pretty sure he caused and feels personally responsible to ease.

  “Yeah. I never thought I’d miss shopping as much as I do but today was great. It’s probably all the new alien shops. Makes things more interesting. Oh, you know that dude who sells Earth stuff at the space mall? He was trying to argue with this little kid that cows are called ‘kalteneckers’.”

  Keith scoffs softly. “Did you buy anything?”

  “Yeah, I bought a lot of gifts. I got Allura a pair of earrings.” For some reasons Lance wishes he can take the last part back because the tension is back.

  “So you and Allura, huh?” Keith asks.

  Lance doesn’t know what to say. His immediate thought is to deny but why? They were holding hands tonight. They went around and they had fun and he bought her milkshake and earrings. That’s as good as a date that they can get at the moment but he’s not sure what to make of all that.

  He settles on a, “I guess.” Then he turns on his side. “You ever had a girlfriend, Keith?”

  Keith looks at him long and hard, pretty, violet eyes boring into his. “I... I’m not particularly interested in girls.”

  It takes Lance an embarrassingly long while to understand those words. Then he balks. “Wait. Is that your way of telling me you’re gay?”

  “You seriously thought I was straight?”

  Keith’s every interaction with males reconstructs in Lance’s mind and- “Oh. _Oh._ Oh my god. You and Rolo! So you were flirting with him! A-And that Olkari. Holy crap, Keith!”

  “What?”

  His heart is pounding, blood rushing in his ears with this newest revelation. “Dude, why didn’t you tell me?”

   “Be quiet. And why the hell would I have told you? I didn’t think me being gay is exactly important.”

  “Well, maybe not but I missed out on all the times you were trying to flirt and that, my friend, would’ve made great blackmail material.”

  Keith frowns. “I can flirt better than you and your lame one-liners.”

  Lance is very much offended by that. “ _Excuse_ me? My lines are not lame.”

  Keith rolls his eyes. “Oh, right. I forgot. That’s how you got Allura.”

  Is it just him or did Keith sound a little bitter? Lance is also slightly concerned by the fact that he wants Keith to be a bit bitter, jealous even, but that makes no sense at all. In any case, the mention of Allura knocks him back down from his unexplained adrenaline rush and brings him to the topic at hand.

  “Keith, I don’t believe for a second that you, a socially awkward turtle, are in any ways good at flirting but that’s an argument for later. Right now, I need advice. Love advice.”

  Keith blinks. (And Lance totally gets his bafflement because honestly, what type of love advice is he even expecting from Keith, a guy who still has problems letting people into his life? But no matter.)

  Against his better judgments, Lance wriggles closer so they’re sharing the same pillow. Keith’s eyes widen slightly and for a brief, tiny moment they fall on Lance’s lips before darting back up to his eyes. Lance’s heart skips a beat and he waits and waits and waits for Keith to do something. Maybe lean in and-

  Keith clears his throat. “So... Allura.”

  “Right. Yes.” Lance swallows thickly. “She’s smart, beautiful, badass and totally amazing. She can have anyone she wants, right?”

  Keith exhales, hot breaths falling on Lance’s lips, which does things that he doesn’t want to think about. (He is also acutely _not_ aware of how close Keith’s face is right now.)

  “Where are you going with this, Lance?”

  “What I’m saying is, she dated a gorgeous space prince. I mean, he turned out to be a manipulative asshole but that’s not her fault. The point is, why would she want me? You get what I’m saying, right?”

  There’s a terrifying, conscious need for Keith to agree with him. Just this once. But all Keith does is stare. A spectrum of emotions pass through his eyes but all too fast for Lance to pin-point any single one.

  Then he speaks softly, “She wants you because you’re a great guy, Lance. You’re funny, brave, passionate and smarter than you lead on. I think... I think Allura didn’t see those in you before because you acted loud and obnoxious but she started to see the real you and... She fell in love with you.”

  That doesn’t help, not when Keith said it like _that_ , in a way that knots Lance’s stomach. “Yeah, but...”

  Keith puts a hand on his shoulder. “She’s lucky to have you, Lance. You both deserve to be happy.”

  All Lance can do is smile tightly.

~

  Lance wakes up cold with the other side of the bed empty.

~

  Krolia and Kolivan comes back with more Blades with every scouting mission they go on, most are half-Galra. The Blade of Marmora grows with the warriors that the pure-blooded Galra have mistreated for centuries and it’s still growing.

  Keith knows what he’s about to do isn’t logical or ideal but for his own sanity, he has to for a while. He’s already talked to Shiro and Iverson and they’ve reluctantly agreed. Now, he’s here to talk to Krolia.

  He hugs her tighter and longer than he usually does, which is probably what gives things away.

  “Are you okay?” she asks.

  “Yeah. I just missed you.”

  “Did something happen between you and Lance?”

  He blushes but he lies through his teeth. “No, mum. I promise. How was the mission?”

  She isn’t happy about the change of subjects but doesn’t say anything more. “Not great this time. We only recruited three.”

  “When are you and Kolivan leaving again?”

  “Next week.”

  “I want to come with you.”

~

  Lance wants to kick something. He wants to kick it so hard it flies to Kerberos.

  Then he wants to kick himself because seeing Keith talk to one of the newest Blade members shouldn’t induce that kind of reaction. At all. And yet it does, much to Lance’s frustration. Keith doesn’t often smile like that, especially at people he’s just met but he’s done it now to the other half-Galra who towers over him.

  Lance can’t hear what they’re talking about because they’re all the way inside the hanger and he is at the entrance, just passing by. But even if he doesn’t have 20/20 vision, he’d still be able to see Keith smile brightly like that. Which is weird. The implication of those initial reactions to Keith and this guy is weird.

  But...not surprising, like he’s been expecting this.

  Okay, _that_ is weird too.

  Lance hurries away from the hanger, jetting to the fridge in the common room. He takes out a bottle of cold water and takes a huge, hearty swig.

  “Lance.”

  He shrieks and jumps three feet into the air, spilling a bit of water on himself. Allura is standing right there and in all his panicked glory, he didn’t notice a whole person with big white hair. “A-Allura. Hi. Uh, I didn’t see you.”

  She takes a step towards him and Lance almost steps backwards. “Is everything okay? You look flushed.”

  “Yeah, yeah! I, uh, I ran here. Gotta keep myself fit and healthy, you know. I didn’t get these guns by sitting around.” He flexes his arms and sends a wink for good measure but Allura just looks at him like he’s turned purple. Time to change tactics. “So what brings you here, princess?”

  She holds up a small, rectangular device. “I came here to get this. Pidge needs it for an upgrade to the Atlas’s systems but she forgot it here last night. What about you?”

  “Just getting a drink.”

  Allura smiles. “I should get this to Pidge. I’ll see you later?”

  “Yeah, definitely, absolutely one hundred percent!”

  She gives him an amused look, steps forward and presses a kiss on his cheek before she darts away, leaving Lance rooted to the spot because none of this makes sense. Or at least, he wants _this_ to make sense but only the other _thing_ does.

  “Lance?” someone else calls.

  Lance has probably been standing there for a solid minute before Shiro comes into the room.

  “Are you alright?” he asks.

  Lance groans, dragging himself to the nearest sofa to sprawl on it. “No.”

  “Oh.” Shiro looks like he wasn’t expecting that answer. He takes a seat next to Lance. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  Talk to Shiro about his love life. That sounds terrifying. Any other conversation wouldn’t be strange anymore because this is the real Shiro, and he’s already apologised for how the other imposter treated Lance even though he didn’t need to. But talking about this to anyone except Keith would be uncomfortable but he obviously can’t talk to Keith. Hunk and Pidge might tease him. Lance hardly ever sees Veronica nowadays because they’re both busy with their own work.

  “I don’t know even anymore, Shiro,” Lance sighs.

  “I saw Allura go out so I’m going to guess it has something to do with her. Did you two have a fight?”

  Lance groans again and rubs his face. “That’s the thing, Shiro. We’re doing fine. We’re doing great. I think Allura finally sees me as probably more than a friend. She actually just kissed me on the cheek but-” He stops, appalled by the words that almost came out. 

  Shiro prompts, “But what’s the problem?”

  He opts for better words. “I’m not happy. I don’t understand it. This is what I’ve wanted since forever and I thought having Allura reciprocate my feelings would be the greatest thing on Earth but now I’m... I don’t know.”

  “Lance,” Shiro says gently he’s talking to an upset kid. “I think you do know. You just need to be honest with yourself.”

  Honest. The word echoes. “I’m confused,” he admits. “And I think I’m scared.”

  “Scared of what?”

  Ruining everything. Voltron, his friendship with Allura, and with Keith.

  _Oh._ There it is. Keith. That’s the problem and now that it’s been acknowledged, Lance has no choice but to face it. He can’t run anymore.  

  His shoulders slump, too tried from fighting his internal battles. “Shiro, I think I’ve already let Allura go.”

  There. He said it. The words are out. He doesn’t want to take them back, no matter how terrible they were because that was the honest truth.

  Shiro, of course, isn’t surprised. He places a hand on Lance’s back. “I think so too.”

  “But I did love Allura,” he says, more to himself to come to terms with his own feelings that he’s left unsorted for far too long. “But she’s just...not the right person for me.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Allura is an amazing person but she doesn’t get me the way Keith- _Shit._ ”

  Again, Shiro is not surprised and Lance’s complete and utter mortification is for nothing. “Go on, Lance.” There is no judgement in his words, just encouragement that makes Lance feel less embarrassed about all this.

  “She doesn’t get me the way Keith does. Even when I picked on him constantly he was still there for me in his own way. Not that Allura wasn’t. It’s just that everything that happened with Lotor and... Wow, this is wrong.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with moving on.”

  Lance stood with the dawning realisation that it wasn’t just Lotor, not even close. Whatever feelings that are rising now has been there for way longer than Lotor barging into their lives. “No, that’s not it. God, I’ve fucked up. I have to talk to Allura.”

  He runs out the room to track her down and fix this mess before it gets bigger.

~

  Keith waits and waits for Lance. It’s past eleven but he’s not in Keith’s room yet. He wasn’t in the common room after dinner either. Neither was Allura. He starts to think that maybe Lance has realised how messed up it is that they’re sharing a bed when he’s dating Allura. Maybe Lance has chosen another room now.

  Probably just as well.

  But the door opens and Lance comes in with a small smile. “Hey,” he says.

  It’s impossible to not smile back even when he feels dead inside. “Hey.”

  Lance gets into the bed, lying on his side to face Keith. “Sorry I’m late. Had to sort a few things out.”

  “Allura?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Lance, I- Maybe you shouldn’t come here anymore.”

  “What?”

  “I’m leaving with my mum tomorrow.”

  Lance face falls like a kicked puppy. “What do you mean you’re leaving?”

  “I told you, Lance. There’s nothing keeping me here.”

  Lance sits up, visibly more upset than Keith expected. “What about Voltron? This isn’t like the first time anymore, Keith. You can’t just go running off again and leave me here!”

  Keith sits too. “No, I-”

  “Shut up, Keith,” he snaps. “I have a lot of things to say to you and your stupid need to fuck off to God knows where. This is exactly like the first time. We’re finally starting to get closer but for some reasons you can’t handle that and now you want to leave again?”

  “Lance-” A finger jab in his chest cuts him off.

  “Don’t ‘Lance’ me! I’m not stupid. You left after I came to talk to you and you know what I kept wondering afterwards? Whether I scared you off. I felt guilty. And I was lonely. You were my friend and our leader. You actually recognised my value to the team and you made me feel like I was worth something and you took all of that with you and you know what I was left with? This empty feeling where you used to be. I missed you.”

  Lance takes a deep breath but he’s talking again before Keith can cut in, arms flying around. “You know what, Keith? I questioned everything I thought I knew because of you and I came to terms with my own feelings but apparently you can’t. Fine. Leave. Go drift off again and be happy. I am not doing this again.”

  Lance is breathing hard and he’s angrier than Keith has ever seen. He won’t meet his eyes but Keith sees the water in them and his mind scrambles to catch up with everything.

  _You can’t just go running off again and leave me here._

_I was lonely._

  “You missed me?”

  “Is that the only thing you got from this, Keith? Unbelievable.”

  “Then what do you want me to say?”

  Lance shakes his head. “Forget it.”

  He makes to get off the bed but Keith manages to grab onto his wrist and hold it tight. “Part of the reason I left Voltron was for you.”

  Lance stills, looking at his wrist then at Keith, a frown etched on his face. “What does that mean?”

  Keith can’t help the edge in his voice because Lance has no idea and yet he acts as if Keith _wanted_ to leave the only true friends he’s ever had, the only person he’s ever loved like this, the one who calmed the fire in his mind and stoked the one in his heart. There’s a bubble expanding in his chest and it pushes words into his mouth but he swallows everything and settles for the ones that would keep his dignity intact.

  “You said you would step down to give Red back to me but that would’ve made feel you feel even more useless than you already did. You didn’t have anywhere to go but I did. It’s a logical decision, Lance. Anyone would do it for their friend.”

  He twists his arm out of Keith’s grip. “Oh yeah? Then why are you leaving now? Are we boring you, Keith?”

  “What? No! I’m not-”

  “Then what is it?”

  Keith pauses to looks at him. Lance is furious. And now Keith is furious and he knows they’ve both been raising their voices. He tries to lower his voice and it comes out a growl. “What is your problem, Lance?”

  “ _My_ problem? Really? Just- No. You’re leaving tomorrow but I’m leaving now.”

  This time Lance is off the bed faster than Keith can grab. He’s already out the door by the time Keith is on the floor. He chases after Lance and catches his arm in the corridor, halfway between the doors of their rooms.  

  “I’m leaving because I can’t handle seeing you with Allura.”

  Lance stops and turns so fast it makes Keith jump back in surprise. Lance is frowning like he’s figuring out exactly what Keith meant. Keith’s whole body is hot but he doesn’t regret the confession because the adrenaline makes him stupid and his heart pounds and he feels like he’s running a marathon and he isn’t finished.

  “Yeah, I’m jealous, Lance,” he continues because now he’s incapable of stopping. “And it makes me a shitty person because both of you are my friends but I can’t help hoping you’d look at me like you look at her.”

  Lance splutters in indignation, grabs Keith’s shoulders and shakes him like a maraca. “Dude, what the fuck! I broke up with Allura. I mean, we were never really dating but still. I don’t know how bad your eyesight is, mullet, but I sure as hell haven’t looked at her like that in a damn long time because I’ve been crushing on you for months.”

  He stops.

  Keith stops.

  Everything stops.

  The words hang in the air.

  They’re in each other’s faces, foreheads almost touching. Lance’s eyes are as blue as the ocean and the freckles across his nose are like little constellations on sun-kissed skin.

  Lance kisses him and- _oh._

  Lance kisses like he lives; warm, wild and passionate. His mouth his hot and demanding, hands are in Keith’s hair and on the small of his back, pulling their bodies together. Keith grabs the front of Lance’s shirt and kisses back twice as hard, dizzy with the taste of Lance’s lips that move and part Keith’s furiously.

  Keith lets himself melt against Lance with a sigh. He’s wanted this for so long that a part of him feels like he’s still dreaming. He doesn’t want to wake up, doesn’t want to stop kissing Lance even if he’s out of breath, light-headed and in danger of totally collapsing in Lance’s arms. 

  A flash goes off and both scream and push away from each other. Around them are most of their friends in pyjamas, some poking their heads out of their doors. Hunk is grinning. Shiro has a knowing smile. Hell, Allura is smiling too. (Awkward.) Pidge holds a camera and wears a huge smirk. Everyone else wears various expressions of amusement. No one looks surprised.

  “Congratulations, guys,” Pidge says. “Your stupidity woke up the entire wing.”

  Keith goes up in flames and he resists the urge to bury his face in his hands if only to preserve what’s left of his dignity (even though he’s half-naked and just made out with Lance right in front of them.)

  “Pidge, delete that,” he says weakly.

  “Not a chance. Matt owes me fifty and I need proof.”

  “What?” Lance screeches. “You bet on us?”

  “Most of us did, buddy,” Hunk says. “Sorry. It was just getting really frustrating to watch you two flirt back and forth and sneak into each other’s rooms.”

  “Wait,” Rizavi says, narrowing her eyes. “Are you telling that you two weren’t together before this?”

  Keith wants the sweet release of death. He glares at Lance. “You had to be a drama queen and run out, didn’t you?”

  “You followed me!”

  “Guys,” Shiro interrupts whatever is about to start again. “It’s late and we all need to sleep. You two can talk in the morning when you’re both well rested. Everyone go back to your rooms.”

  Pidge takes another picture again before leaving and everyone has shit-eating grins on their faces, throwing winks as they disappear into their rooms. Talk about embarrassing.

  Keith stays rooted to the spot, still burning hot all over.

  “Come on,” Lance finally says, grabbing his hand and pulling him back into Keith’s room. “We have crap to sort out.”

  They lie back down on the bed, side by side and shoulders touching. Keith isn’t sure where to start and Lance is silent too, probably processing what just happened.

  “You... I didn’t know you took it that hard when I left,” Keith says.

  Lance’s voice is soft. “You have no idea. After you left, I sort of drifted away from Hunk and Pidge too. I mean I was drifting from the moment we left earth because they had their own thing then and I didn’t understand it. So somehow you were the one I was closest to.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Lance turns, his expression a mixture of concern and desperation. “Then stay. Don’t go tomorrow.”

  Keith reaches out and tucks a stray strand of hair behind his ear, a finger trailing along the soft curve. (He’s wanted to do this for so long.) Lance shivers. “Okay. And Lance?”

  “Yeah?”

  Keith smiles. “I was only going to go for two weeks.”

  A blink. Another blink. “ _What?_ ” He glares. “Are you telling me that I yelled all of that just because you’re going for two weeks? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “You told me to shut up.”

  Lance opens his mouth and closes it. “Okay. Fine, maybe I did and I don’t regret that.”

  “Me neither, otherwise we wouldn’t be where we are now.”

  Whatever Lance is about to say seems to fall away and he looks at Keith like he’s shocked. “Oh. You _are_ good at flirting. Jesus, that face. You _know_ you’re hot.”

  Well, Keith knows he’s smirking and it’s doing things to Lance the same way Lance’s smiles do things to him. Best day of his life. “And you’re pretty okay looking.”

  Lance is thoroughly unimpressed. “Fuck you, Kogane. I was gonna as you to be my boyfriend but no. You don’t deserve that honorary title.”

  Keith can’t help it. A laugh bubbles out of him in utter delight. Lance’s boyfriend, that sounds like his bravest dreams. He wriggles closer to Lance, pulling him so that their legs are tangled and noses touch. “Since when?”

  “I think... I think some time after Shiro went missing. You?”

  “I’m not sure. It might’ve been the bonding moment.”

  Lance makes a face. “Are you sure you’re not just trying to get me to say it happened?”

  “It did. That’s when I started, well, liking you I guess.”

  Lance stares into his eyes for a while before he whispers, “That’s a long time ago. Even longer for you.”

  Keith nods.

  “Why didn’t you move on? Not that I want you to. It’s just... Well, in that time I stopped liking Allura like that.”

  “Remember when you asked me why Allura would choose you?”

  Understanding dawns on Lance’s face. “Oh.” Red colours the tips of his ears and it’s adorable.

  Keith knows his face must be all shades of red too. “Lance?”

  His breathes, “Yeah?”

  “I’m going to kiss you again.”

  And he does. He kisses Lance once, twice, three times and he loses count when Lance starts making small noises at the back of his throat. Keith wants to laugh and cry and kiss Lance harder because this is a dream he’s never dared hope to come true. But he does none of those. He kisses Lance gently, savouring the moment, and Lance kisses down the column of his throat, his fingers painting pictures on Keith’s skin. (Keith almost dies from heart attack.)

  When sleep finally takes them over early in the morning, Lance lies on Keith’s bare chest.

~

  Keith won’t take the Garrison uniform off. Lance is very much proud of the little bruises that peek over the high collar of the ghastly orange uniform even when Keith glares at him for days.

  He’s also proud to call Keith his boyfriend and the fact that it only took a year to realise he was in love with Keith.

  It could’ve been worse.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> You can stalk me on Tumblr at [hano-does-fandoms](https://hano-does-fandoms.tumblr.com)


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